Reading over yesterday’s post, I happily realized something: that puppy picture is really darn cute. Okay, no, but seriously: I met all my realistic expectations today! I got up before five, I showered, I brushed my teeth (twice!), I went to choir practice, and I actually didn’t eat any potato chips today. It wasn’t a perfect day, but it was a heckuva lot better than yesterday.
I went to bed after publishing that post at, like, 3 AM and set my alarm for 9:30. Surprisingly, I actually fell asleep. It wasn’t a very restful sleep, but every time I woke up I was able to go right back to sleep. Which was great. But when my alarm went off, it wouldn’t let me Snooze. I got ticked off with it, turned it off, and pulled the ol’ “five more minutes” schtick (I literally told myself I’d sleep for just five more minutes). Apparently my brain thinks “five more minutes” means five-and-a-half more hours, because the next time I opened my eyes, it was 2:50. I was both furious and extremely disappointed at the same time. When things go wrong, I guess I like to have someone to blame, and who better to blame than my parents? Yeah, so the first thing I said (yelled) to my mom today was an angry “Why didn’t you wake me up?” Dumb of me in hindsight, but it was a perfectly rational action to my just-woke-up mind. I pouted through my breakfast/lunch, then hurried upstairs to take a shower, since I now only had a few hours to go from the classic “Anon hasn’t showered or done anything productive in three days” look to everyone’s favorite “everything is perfect in Anon’s life” look. After the shower, I felt significantly better. I was able to get dressed, print out my choir music, and get my choir stuff together all in thirty minutes, and I got to the church (it’s a church choir, FYI) with ten minutes to spare.
Before practice started, Kaiden’s mom and I were talking and she brought up the picture. For a split second I thought about mentioning that I didn’t want the picture to be Public, but decided it wasn’t worth it and kept my mouth shut. Kaiden’s mom told me the picture had gotten a lot of compliments and Likes, which, although I responded in my usual awkward way, I did appreciate hearing the compliments. Choir went well, for the most part. There was some bickering amongst the singers, but that only gave me and the other violinist there, Nate, an opportunity to bond over how frustrated we were with the other choir members. And of course seeing Kaiden, who I originally met at choir, was a nice bonus. But a bit of anxiety also arose from seeing him (my OCD has been very focused on our relationship). His little sister Ysabel followed us around after practice, despite Kaiden repeatedly telling her to leave us alone, and at one point she said, totally out of the blue, “You just want to be alone so you can kiss him. Kaiden’s one of those guys who believes the first kiss should be saved for marriage, by the way.” Kaiden, beyond annoyed with her at this point, agreed that those are his views on the matter, and me, beyond uncomfortable with this awkward and random conversation, changed the subject as soon as I could. Afterwards, though, I found myself worrying over this. While I am sure as heck not ready to be all smoochy-smoochy with Kaiden, I really don’t want my first kiss to be at my wedding. The rational part of my brain is telling me I don’t need to worry about this until I’m actually ready to kiss him, but the OCD I’m-gonna-over-analyze-every-single-little-thing-wrong-with-this-relationship part of my brain is like, “Nope, he refuses to kiss you ever unless you get married. He has to be perfect and if he’s not you need to move on right away because otherwise you have to marry this guy.” It’s annoying, but I’m gonna try my best to push past it and listen to the rational side of my brain, because I like this guy too much to break up with him at this early point. (Oh, there’s the anxiety again…”She professed her undying love for Kaiden on the Internet. Now you have to get married or The Universe will never let you live it down.”) His views on kissing really should be a relief to me, though. Now I don’t have to keep analyzing Kaiden’s every gesture to make sure he isn’t preparing to dive in like a pelican and kiss me when I’m totally not ready.
Overall, my day contained much more good than bad. I mean, I brushed my teeth twice. That should show you just how good of a day it was for me. Anyway, take yesterday’s unrealistic expectations, add in “study for GED test”, and you get tomorrow’s unrealistic expectations. What are some realistic expectations? I dunno. Maybe get up before two, and repeat the accomplishments I made today. Though I really would like to get some studying in tomorrow…
That’s all for this installment. Thank you guys for the sweet/encouraging comments on my last post, and for all the new follows.